THIS ONE IS FOR YOU :)

 Hellu bhai 

Hope you are doing better than yesterday if not the best. 

This day last year, I tried a bit to put forward a piece of myself, like something I created on my own in these 20 years, for my parents. 

They had no idea of what was happening that day while I dressed up in the morning and got ready a bit more than usual thinking I'm at least doing something to make them proud, I wanted to celebrate that day, got all braced for the book launch, nervousness, anxiety, self-doubt trembling in the whole body, God knows for what felt so much for something no one, not even a single soul would care about. Everyone is sane in their own world. 

Aaaaaaaaand then on a random day in February, the book was launched. In the middle of the day, on a random afternoon seeing your piece of work be displayed in front of the world on a portal like Amazon and other such sites was surreal, but as usual, classic Lavanya downplayed it as if nothing had happened, thinking, " well, who would care apart from you, nobody even knows about this apart from you, it's just your word your book who would care enough to even buy it or for that matter look at it."

In an aspiration of making them happy with something I didn't do in all these years but found something I'm fond of to present to them, I told my parents to dress up in the evening by seven. My mom was ready, wearing a kurta that I gifted her on her birthday, and dad, as usual, taking me as seriously as he would every day sat in shorts. 

I closed the lights, decorated the book in a box, and bought the box for them while they sat in darkness in real and in their minds. I presented it to them, and all confused they looked at it, my dad turning it back and forth not reacting be it happy or whatever. To date idk if they care about it, they care about my poetries which means everything to me, on the days when I felt like nothing and nil I just had to look at that book and I felt fine regardless of no matter I care about it or not. 

This book, this piece bundle of papers was an attempt for my parents to let them know, I can do something if not stand on their perfect expectations in academics and everything they thought about me when they must've helped me for the first time. Idk how it went. 

Because today, when I got ready again, to celebrate the day, it's not the efforts that I put in that I remember but the tears that remind me that I tried something to look up to myself for. Although Remind me again that no one cares, The attempt went in vain, but this time for a change not being bothered, because I did it for no one but MY PEOPLE. idk. I really want this to work out. 

But above all, I really wanna thank you to have stuck around me for these years every day behind the scenes of my life in the most silent of ways, being a great role and the origin of who I am today in every aspect, especially my poems, which mean everything to me today. Being there listening to the rants of my very first open mics, to launch my book, regardless of having an interest in poetry or not, I hope you stick around for my last show as well! 

I had planned to send something to you, all of this written in the post, a thank you, but again I got reminded of, nobody gives a damn so I should stop making a fairytale out of nonsense. But I do want to let you know, that no matter how successful or whatever this poem things have been so far, no matter how many times my father has frowned and said "it's all timepass" to my open mics, I've always wanted to give it that one more push, that one more presence in open mic events, picked up the pen and wrote in the worst times, for you, and everything you've done unknowingly to keep me going. I might fail my parents someday, but I just hope I never fail you who have always regardless of lame words since day one only encouraged me selflessly. 

3rd February I wanted to celebrate this day with you, and what better celebration for a poet than writing a piece for their main one. No matter how or where we will be, just know that when you read any piece of mine, there's always a tint of you, give a pat to yourself that you flamed a dream by just being around me since the dawn of my poems, and been the best pal all along as the best audience. and we all know how precious their audience is to an artist, if I may call myself one. 

This one is for you!